Repressed Memories...ual abuse?

ok, so Ive always had feelings toward my step father and tonight my granmda and I were just talking about things and I began to tell her about my feelings. My mother married him when I was 4 along with being a very harsh father he made me feel very uncomfortable ually. I dont ever remember him doing anything but I used to have a lot of feelings up until the time I moved out at age 19. When I was in the 5th grade or so I went through a spell where I had very very bad nightmares...of which I dont remember...my grandma remembers this. As I became older and went through puberty he would make comments about my ...ie I used to have a little dog and I would play with her in the floor and he would tell her to "bite me in the s". When I would leave panties out that were clean and folded he would make comments about them(had a pair that said sweet cheeks or something and he said why do you need panties that say that when you already have one anyway), when I walked by him while he was in his chair in the living room he would try to tap me on the ...I got to were I would walk way away from him so he couldnt touch me. As I got older about 16 or so I remember waking up with my pj bottoms down to my ankels several times...I got to were I would lock my door and put a chair under my closet door as it connected to his office and there wasnt a lock. I also for some reason used to think he put camera's in my room ( i know this is not realistic) but I would get dressed in my closet with the lights out and take showers with my swim-suit on...why would I have all these feelings? I have a 5 year niece that I watch very closely when she is around him...I have a very uneasy feeling about it...anytime they are sleeping together or she is sitting in his lap I watch his hands. Lastly I have struggled greatly with getting close with my husband...he is the only man I have ever been with ually. I used to feel dirty after , I dont like to go without a bra...it makes me feel dirty I dont like sitting on mens laps...I hated sitting on my step fathers, he always wanted me to when I was young. I dont know if its just feelings Ive had over the years and not the actual act of being ually abused...or what. If they are repressed wouldnt I be able to remember since Im wanting to?? what can I do??